This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
