I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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