Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
Never let your siblings swipe right.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Randomize
