420 ftw
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
