dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
She bit a glass in half.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
