guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
