I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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