She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Randomize
