I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
This is why people in Buffalo die of heart attacks. This and wings
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
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