HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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