I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
This is the high leading the old right now
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
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