I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
Randomize
