I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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