Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
