we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
