Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
tell me about the eggs
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
