i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
They say rihanna has been dating several mets players. They go on to say that she feels safe with them because they can't beat anybody.
her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Well my dad thinks I wake up at 3 or 4 am every day. Really it is just all the booty calls, but I'm glad he thinks I am so motivated
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Randomize
