I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Hey remember that spam cooked in dr pepper we made? 10x better when the dr pepper is rum
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
Go christen that room with your naked body.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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