He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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