on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
Randomize
