I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
