I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
