While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
