The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
