Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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