I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I want to walk on stilts...naked
remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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