I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Randomize