I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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