YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
