Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
