she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
Randomize
