The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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