Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Randomize
