Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
