Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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