You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
My balls are so social today.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I still have a little drunk in my system
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
