can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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