so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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