walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Randomize
