My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
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Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
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I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
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