my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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