Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
He asked me "did you used to go to church" while we were having sex.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
