I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
Did u see the proverb she left as a comment on my picture?
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
I enjoy the company of your penis
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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