I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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