My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
