He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
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