Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
We were destined to go to rehab together
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
