That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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