dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
