Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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