No, drunk sperm still make babies.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
