I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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