I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
These tits shall not be calmed
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
