oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
Just showed mom and dad the pics from San Francisco, while i played the Full House theme song in the background.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
