dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
