I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
