I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Randomize
