You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
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