I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
