I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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