that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Randomize
