drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
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