She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
