her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
