First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
