Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
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