i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
