Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
