I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
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