If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
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